Three Secrets to Save Your Relationship

Published: 20th March 2012
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A lot of couples believe that the secret to relationship success is some complex mystery that they have failed to discover or apply. I’m not sure how complex the concept of ‘compatibility’ sounds to you, but it is an essential requirement. However, even if you were once compatible, you may now find yourself struggling to save your relationship. So, there must be something more?

There is. What generally happens is that when couples are in a long-term relationship, somewhere along the way they give up two very essential and simple ingredients of a successful relationship: communication and respect. Has the same happened to you? Read on, and find out how to revive your relationship.


How you talk to your partner is not just a very relevant communication issue, but also shows how much you respect them. You could unleash your irritation and say very brusquely, “you forgot to buy the shampoo yesterday”, or you could say more calmly and politely, “Peter, you forgot the shampoo, would you mind getting it today?” The first way sounds like an accusation, and it is a horrible way to start your day together. The choice is straightforward - you either unload your feeling of frustration about your partner’s forgetfulness on him, or be more calm and accepting about this little flaw in him, and try to work around it. You know which of these ways will help you bring about a positive change and save your relationship. It is remarkable how much accumulated positive energy mere politeness in mundane, day-to-day issues can create.

Quit The Blame Game

How else will you revive your relationship? You have to recognize the fact that both of you have joint responsibility for your relationship, for better or for worse. Even if a particular problem originates with one person, it is the other person who is responsible for either reacting negatively and angrily, or more calmly and positively. If you can simply abandon the phrase, ‘the problem with you is that…’, it will be a huge step forward.

The Communication Game

Good communication means that you share with each other how you are feeling about things. However, the problem with your relationship is that you either don’t talk about your feelings at all, or you get into a fight about them! it is generally different with men and women. Women complain that their partners don’t talk, and men complain that the women want to talk endlessly. Here is a little game that you can play, which should work for both of you and help you communicate better and save your relationship.

Give your partner 10 minutes to express how they are feeling about the relationship without interruption. Let them express themselves. Then it is your turn to do the same. When both of you have spoken calmly and without interruptions, you have a further 10 minutes to interact and discus ways in which you can sort out your problems. If you mutually agree to continue the conversation, do it for no more than another 20-30 minutes. At the end of the half hour or hour, you will find that you have actually made more headway than hours of fights and arguments. It could be a big step forward in your effort to revive your relationship.

With these simple steps involving good communication and respect for each other, you should be able to save your relationship.

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